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Have been working at home for the past few days. Doing endless reports and presentation. Finally, the big storm is over and now I have some time for myself. I have been reflecting about my life yesterday night until now. The more honest I am to myself, the more I start to hate myself and soon build up lots of stress.

Many people know I choose a different path comparing to my peers who enter University and only recently graduated. I decided to took on a roller coaster right which is to be a self employed. Honestly, I had never regret being a self-employed, in fact I am very sure this is the right path for me. I enter the financial industry as an independent consultant after I left the army. I started the career with a great punch but soon i started to slow down and concentrate on my internet business.

Internet business brought wealth to my life but also slow down my growth rate in the past 2 years. It is a love and hate feeling. Being an internet marketer, I started it smoothly despite some failure. But these setback never stop me until I successful reach a 5 digit income level. At my age, earning this income is something I am very proud of, because of this, I began to have some followers and gain some respect in my circle of friends. My lifestyle changes, everything in my room started to be replaced, bought my first car and the second car come by closely after 1 years only. This is when my life reach a downturn point without myself knowing it. Because my internet business is on auto pilot, self generating income by itself, I began to stop my learning curve, I begin to spend more time in learning expensive hobbies especially modifying my precious new car, being to start going tracking and buying gadgets etc.  I spent so much less time in doing productive things to further increase my wealth. In my financial business, I only services my existing clients and seldom prospect new clients. I never feel incorrect for doing this, only feel bad for my manager. I understand manager always want their adviser to be very productive but I decided to do it more like a “part-time”.

Even though throughout this time, I ever push myself to get back to work several time, both in internet and FA business, but it never go long. The only reason is I am too comfortable. Therefore I make a bold move by shutting down several of my major stream of income from internet businesses. It is all about pain and pleasure. I wanted to create pain to myself, I know I cannot be in my current stage for long. And most importantly I know I deserve much better life than what I am getting now, but only if I decided to get up again.

Getting up is not as easy as I thought, until recently. Just like the Tsunami, I activated the earthquake, but the wave took sometime before it hit the shore. I guess the biggest wave just hit me badly. I am still feeling cold now.

Reflecting back, when was the last time when I am very focus in my life. When I decided to sign on in the army and draft out every single details of my life? When I have a mentor whom I always meet her regularly? When I am broke and I need money badly?

I asked myself, why did I stop there and lost the momentum to charge to the next level? Am I happy with what I have achieved so far or I just refuse to move forward or I don’t believe I can reach any better! I think I am just too comfortable for what I have achieved so far. Reflecting and reflecting, I am just enjoying myself being the most successful one in my peers and even many of my senior. So have beening successful almost kill myself in the journeys to dreams?

During these time I have helped many people gain knowledge and wealth, I have help many friends found a new purpose in their life, I have help by sharing my knowledges and introducing them to courses and even my mentor. Right now, my most grateful mentor has even become my good friend loved one. So much of helping others, have I ever stop to help myself during this journey. Maybe I have! I always remember what my mentor has taught me, we must always learn to contribute without asking for returns. To master something is not about learning, the entire process is to Learn, Apply and Teach. Teaching become part of my life since I have followers. My mentor always say there are only 2 effective ways to motivate ourself. One is to get someone to motivate us, else, to motivate others. Yes, I have countless session of motivating people but when is the last time I have been motivated by someone? I understand back in my financial business office, they will always motivate me to come back and start working hard, but it just don’t work for me. When you have reached a certain level ,you just see things differently. When they try to motivate me, I appreciate it but I see only those don’t work on me anymore. Maybe I don’t see the result I want in them, or what they are offering is not what I desire? Countless of excuses but end of the days it is all myself.

Taking about contributing without wanting return, I am a strong believer in this teaching ever since being taught by my mentor. I have benefited a lots from this teaching both in networking , business or simple life until recently when I am put to challenge by my girlfriend. Initially I always argue with her that we must always help people despite the outcome or how they had treat us before. But she always second that and end us in arguments. But recently I started to reflect and I guess I need to find tune this teaching in my life. Sometime people just simply abuse us. Being nice to people, helping people, lending people money and even working FOC for people will reflect well about you. But some people will just take things for granted. I have a habit of making payment for every meals and most of the time people will want to returns back their portion. Sometime close friends we are not calculative as we always take turn to share. But after some reminder from  Elaine, I see a trend in some of my friends who always automatically wait for me to make payment and never bother to ask the total cost and making things worse, if ever they foot the bills, they will ask you to return them the equal share and even calculate it to cents, the worst still haven’t happen yet. If I give more than the right amount, I never get back my change. I hate to say this, but I think I am really being too nice to people. I even argue for them that, I didn’t ask from them so I can’t blame them for not returning. I know if I ever ask one of my friend, he will surly reply me this way. Anyway lesson learned, we can’t be nice to everyone, just don’t be bad to them.

Recently one of my friends who started his own business in some trading and asked me to help him in designing an online platform to market his product so I got my partner to come out with a proposal for him, furthermore I still insisted in special discount in the proposed price but rejected. I don’t know is the price too expensive or he is hoping for a free job again. But I am not happy about it, again I reflected. The only reason is I have pre-set an expectation on him. Because few years back when he started his business and asked me for help in sponsorship, I helped him and contributed $10,000 into the event sponsorship and honestly I didn’t get what they promised, not even 50% not to mention did my business benefited from it. Because I have once helped him, I am thinking if he will now help me by handing my company to handle his web portal project. Sad to say, No. To say I am not bother, I am lying. But it is all my expectation, since he didn’t force me to make the sponsorship initially, and he have a choice not to take up my proposal. It is myself being inbalance, but I learned a hard lesson. We must learn to contribute smartly and gratefully (look clearly) and really don’t expect much return. Not even sub-consiously.

I think I have drifted my topic into my complaining. Anyway reflecting back. I guess I need to talk to someone and I will look for the someone. I cannot always be motivating others and end of the days leaving myself behind. Looking at the other angle, I must not be happy with what I am having now, in fact I am feeling the stress already, since my peers have graduated and started to enter the work force. I must end my high expenditure lifestyle and spend like a successful investor and not like a poor who just strike TOTO.

People who know me will know that I hate to write, and when I really write I am usually in either the lowest or highest point of my life. I guess this is good news for me too. I rather handle these crisis now rather than later. This is a Tsunami, I got to rebuild the entire island again!

I must be focus! First get to the right environment! Friends if you realize I am avoiding you, i am sorry, because the number 1 key to success is the right environment. There is a simple formula, if you want to know your net worth, just find the average net worth of friends you always go out with. It is the same! It is not about the amount of money they have, but the amount of money is equal to the type of mindset and values system they have in this cruel sociality. I feel very tired repelling negative mindset and the best solution is to avoid. You can blame me but one day you will understand, especially when you have children, you will never put your children to play with a group of gangster.  I must start expanding and looking for highly motivated people to talk to and start working together with. I must start finding back my mentor.

It is late afternoon, I must prepare to leave my house for an business presentation. Wish me luck, it is very important to my company!

Jack Lan